Where the Wild Things Are

There is an awful lot of controversy over zoos out there. Do you feel that zoos are inhumane to animals? Or do you feel that they enable animals to live in a stress-free environment while having all of their bodily needs met? I don't think I've made up my mind on the subject yet.

Last weekend we went to the Phoenix Zoo. We met my friend Remi and her husband, Cole, there and had such a great time. Truly, I can't imagine having a better time there. But we did realize we were the only group there without any kids.

We started out at the big cats section. I feel a psychological connection with tigers because I was born in the year of the tiger, did you know? I think Remi and I really connected with this Bengal.

And Michael has a connection with lions because he's a Leo. This would make our future children "Ligers."

I had a great chat with a baboon. He was a better listener than you would expect. POP QUIZ: How fast can you run? I can run 11 miles per hour. Wanna know how I know this? I know, I know, my butt looks humongous. Don't judge.

At the orangutan exhibit, Cole decided to break out his banana to taunt the poor great apes.

Cole loftily enjoyed his fruit even under the pouty gaze of this baby.

Can't you just picture him thinking, "All I got was this stinkin' Romaine?!" For some reason, the baby orangutan has a slight New Jersey Italian accent in my head.

It was a day of learning about the circle of life. First we saw death in the form of a dismembered baby turtle.

("Maybe it's actually a figurine from the gift shop?" I supplied.

"Maybe the turtle just left its shell to move on to a bigger one. You know, like hermit crabs," Remi suggested.

"Right, and he just decided to leave his back legs and tails behind," Michael said.)

But with death comes new life. And we got to watch in horrified curiosity as two giant Galapagos tortoises mate.

I think the gross gutteral groans from these two animals will always echo in the deep recesses of my memory. *Shudder*