To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

So you know how sometimes having a child makes you feel like your mind is on crack?

Last night I slept fretfully. Tossing and turning. Sometimes I have dreams where June is in some kind of danger and I’m unable to get to her to help. I often wake up frantically searching the covers for her, sure that she’s tangled under our thick comforter, unable to breathe. And last night she was there and I rubbed her little back and patted her bum and noticed she didn’t have a diaper on! She’d been sleeping all night without a diaper! I made sure I wasn’t imagining things, I rubbed her butt several times, feeling her separate baby cheeks instead of one puffy diaper bum under the cloth of her pajamas.

“She doesn’t have a diaper on!” I told Michael. It was a miracle that the bed wasn’t soaking wet. “Michael! She doesn’t have a diaper on!”

“Go back to sleep,” Michael grumbled. “She’s not in bed with us.”

I woke up fully to find that I was sitting up in bed. I had to remind myself that June was safe - and fully diapered - in her crib. I listened and could hear the soft whisper of the sound machine we keep in her room through the baby monitor. Everything was okay.

But when Michael and I were getting ready in the morning, he turned to me with a crooked smile. “So, you were fondling my butt in your sleep last night. What was that all about?”