Hey Left Boob, I thought we were cool.

I have mastitis, which is basically a boob infection. I think my left breast still harbors resentment from the time I put a green cabbage leaf on it to relieve extreme engorgement in the beginning. (Do not use red cabbage leaves.) (And don’t use them overmuch, only enough to provide a little relief. It can hurt your milk supply, which it might have done anyway? That one has always been the lesser performer of the two, if I’m honest. It has been called the Milk Dud a time or two. Is this post getting uncomfortable for anyone?)

In a way I’m glad I have mastitis because it gives me an explanation for how I was feeling all weekend…side effects feel like flu symptoms, such as fatigue, nausea, light-headedness, achiness. It might even excuse some of my bad behavior? I’m hoping? Such as yelling at Michael for “cleaning up too much” when all I wanted to do was “watch Julie and Julia” which I’d recorded on the “DVR” after a long day of “standing around making artwork framing decisions with a very chunky baby attached to me via Ring Sling.”

I was worried I was coming down with something even after my boob started hurting. I'd read about mastitis before but I thought it would be more of a show-stopper...not being able to get out of bed, being curled up in the fetal position, etc. It was only after talking to my boss that I decided to get checked out. “I had a cat that got mastitis,” Boss explained. “We had to take her in to get surgery to have her milk ducts scraped out and all.” She was awesome and let me go early because my equally awesome new Hawaiian primary care doctor could fit me in. Verdict was in: mastitis for the win. I’m now on the meds and will hopefully not require duct scraping.